The U-Turn.

Something rather queer about me is the fact of how I mysteriously like to challenge myself. Indeed, I purposely trip myself to stumble onto such devastating situations only to see if I can glide my way out of it successfully. Allow me to call it self-entertainment.

However, I'm not sure others found it as entertaining as I did.

There was a girl.. Her name was ..well, let's just keep it at "RA". She was a hazel-eyed, lightly freckled, average-heighted, fascinating girl.
I started off hating this girl, I despised her. Whatever feelings I currently, at that time, possessed towards her ranged from dislike to hatred - nothing positive.

What had some enhancing effects on these emotions was quite silly.
A year or two before that, we were in two separate classes.
Our paths never collided and she was just that stuck-up girl (as I once thought) from that other class! I used to hang out with this 'shila' at Grade 6, and what happens, as goofy as this sounds, was whenever someone felt a feeling of dislike towards someone it would spread out through this group and we'd end up sharing this feeling.

So back to Grade 7.
I tried to avoid RA in anyway possible as if she were some sort of virus.
So once, we had music class and we were practicing using trumpet mouthpieces and guess what?
Yup, not enough for us all.
And what was that genius IDIOT of a teacher's idea?
Bucket of Dettol and Water and a partner.
How disgusting? I have to share a tiny, metallic object which would accumulate with saliva with someone? Who's he kidding, Dettol ain't gonna wash away the revulsion of this!
I look around, eagerly looking for the partner I'd least be disgusted with.
Oh, GREAT, everyones partnered up except for me and RA. Reminds me of the 'spin-the-bottle' moment where everyone gets up as soon as the bottle is spun, leaving no other choice but for the remaining two to kiss. As ironic as this sounds (you'll find out why this is ironic later on) I hated it. Ugh, why her?! Why me?! Farakt il7adeed tifirik oo ma3 hatha ma t6amant ina tna'6af!

But as the days crept onwards, my feelings of hatred towards her came to an abrupt stop, U-turned, and went down another completely antonymous path!

We actually 'clicked'! Not at the beginning, of course, but with time our clinky uneasy machinery parts became oiled with trust, companionship, laughter and that's what started our engine of friendship going.

Now, the challenege I was reffering to at the beginning of the post. 'Shda5ilah bilmaw'6o3?', you may think so to yourselves. Oh, and the strange feeling I mentioned in the previous post? Soon soon..

A little more detail..

Perhaps, I should fill you in on some more juicy (not) details of my (adjective goes here) life.

You may ask yourselves (and possibly me later on) why I called this blog 'ugly secret'? Hmm?
Truth is, there's not one person that knows me!
Sure, I might give some people the pleasure of thinking they do, but no-one in fact does..
Why? Because I cover it all up with lies, and some more lies, add a little more lies! Sprinkle with some more lies, whaddya get? Liegetti.. or Lieagna or.. Perhaps Liezza?
I might be exaggerating, I don't know. But how else would one not know the truth about me? My ugly feelings? My wicked thoughts? My selfishness (at times) and all the other dark, hidden things one wouldn't normally show?

Let me rephrase.. Allow me to use the expression 'twist it around'. It starts as an honest statement, until I twist it around, hide some important facts, add some made up ones in until I make up some bogus thingamajig that makes me look innocent and others guilty - or the other way around (huh?).
Are you getting lost? I hope not..

Let's give you a brief (LIES), explicit introduction, shall we?
Hmm, I was always a fan of video games - still am, too. Around 4 years ago, I was wandering around the house and I strolled into my big brother's squarish, dead room. He hid his laptop screen in a hurried manner which seemed to spark my interest more from a small flame to a roaring fire! What was going on!!? What's he so eager to hide from me? I was astounded by his behavior.

I walked up to him, but he wouldn't spill the dirt. I retreated to my room after what seemed like failure.
I couldn't set the subject aside, it was itching and I had to scratch it! Right there! Ah.. I waited patiently, until I heard the bathroom door creak shut!

It was my chance! I rushed to my brother's room, tiptoe-ing of course, and there it was.. The hidden treasure was now at my reach.. SUCCESS! So, I take a closer peek.. Hmm! It's a game? What's it called.. I squint my eyes to read the small, yet bold title that said 'Runescape'.
What..? That's it..?! Oh, it's my silly brother and his issues of not wanting me to copy him! Couldn't blame him though, I was pretty annoying and whatever he did, I managed to outdo him at it.
So, off I ran to my room excitedly and opened up the game and stood flabbergasted.. How do I play? I asked myself.
Eventually, my brother gave in and decided to teach me the 1-2-3 of the game, and I picked it up.

I played this game for a while, it was an MMORPG, ooh I just got goosebumps writing that delicious word *giggle*. So, basically, on games like that people all around the world play together. So, apart from playing you also got the advantage of making friends (only really an advantage if they were good friends, no?).
I made a friend and her name was Rachel. She was from Belgium and was 14 (2 years older than me at that time).
At that time, my knowledge of the gay/lesbian/bisexual society was limited. Rachel was a lesbian, and astonishingly enough that didn't disgust me at all! I was interested and above that... I liked it.
She broadened my perspective on the GLB (gay/lesbian/bisexual) lifestyle.
I was thrilled to meet such a person, in a way. I have to admit, at the same time I guess I was subconsciously trying to rob her (ma9la7chiya, kaaak ;p) or at least make something off her.

Let me point out something: I used to be the kind of person that would say something and give an opinion completely opposite to what I think only to see the reaction of the person I'm confronting. Makes sense?
Well, I had no-one to relate to about some issues I was having.. My sudden interest in girls! Maybe it was a phase, who knows? Nonetheless, I needed a listening ear.

So, I told my girlfriends at school about Rachel, how I met her and that she was a lesbian. Not one of them supported it, they were all disgusted. But, hey who was I to blame them? We were just a bunch of close-minded, 12 year-old girls under complete control of our parents. We were horses that were blinded from what was left/right only to see ahead to what was intended or wanted for them to see! The word novelty wasn't yet a part of our vocabulary, but I managed to break free of that close-mindedness prison.

It felt like a door was slammed shut in my face.. No shoulder to lean on! Not concerning this subject, at least. Which was a shame, because even though I continued to update them with Rachel's lifestory (which she would tell me about over the game only because I was interested, though) I began to feel something...strange!

First Post (stating the obvious).

Err, howdy.

Where do I begin? Generally, I'd answer in a cocky manner to whoever asks this question with an answer like, 'At the beginning, doh!'.

Problem is, I don't know where the beginning is!

Complaining on my first post, how pathetic. Hope you can You better put up with me, though.


So, who am I? That's one secret you'll never know, you know you.. UH, scratch that! Stupid Gossip Girl (all you GG fans, please don't eat me :<).



I'm a 16 year-old high school senior. Currently doing my last year, then onto university which'll be here in Kuwait, inshalla.

I've got a strange life, doesn't everyone?
The word 'strange' pretty much points to different, and everyone's different (one way or another, at least) so, of course I'd be strange.
Here's me rambling again..
Back to me.

Lately, my friend gamat itshayishni w t7in 3alay 3ashan asaweli blog, so as you can see, SHE SUCEEDED.



Basically, I just want somewhere where I can endlessly write what I feel without having to worry about someone's reaction, losing something/someone, or the fear of having someone not understand me leading to something else.. You know what I mean.. Right?



I want to rant! I want to be open, honest and unrestrained. Not held back by anything/anyone.



So, I'm eager to do this but only if someone is eager to listen, I mean hey, I need feedback - doesn't everyone?

So bear with me, keep up with me, and hey maybe you'll have fun (a little?).